“The rich man was a
fool because he failed to realize his dependence on others. His soliloquy
contains approximately sixty words, yet “I” and “my” occur twelve times. He has
said “I” and “my” so often that he had lost the capacity to way “we” and “our.”
A victim of the cancerous disease of egotism, he failed to realize that wealth
always comes as a result of the commonwealth. He talked as though he could plow
the fields and build the barns alone. He failed to realize that he was an heir
of a vast treasury of ideas and labor to which both the living and the dead had
contributed. When an individual or a nation overlooks this interdependence, we
find a tragic foolishness.” MLK
We swear in a week
from this coming Thursday and leave for our sites the next day. I’m very
excited. I get to spend the next 2 years at a beautiful site. PST has been good
and I have a lot of confidence in Peace Corps Azerbaijan! (Although I am quite
nervous about passing my final language assessment 1 week from today… but that
is about me being not great with languages.) I’m very excited!!! But when I
really pay attention, I notice that little pit of fear hiding deep inside. Our time here during PST has been so
regulated. PC has taken good care of us. Any problems and we only have to talk
with PC. But in a couple of weeks, I will be on my own. I will have to make my
own way and figure things out myself. Yes, of course I can call PC with a
serious problem. But they will be 6 hours away, and besides, I’m an adult. I’ve
done this before. I know that things can go wrong and have a good idea of what
to do. So I find myself doing something that I have done most of my life when I
am nervous. I tell myself I have to be strong and independent. I have to take
care of myself. All of which is necessary as a 48 year old single woman living
in a foreign country. (Or sometimes even at home in America) But the other
thing that tends to go along with this is keeping my fears to myself. Will I be
able to communicate? Will I offend someone? Will I be safe? Will I screw up in
a major way? Will I be able to make a difference? Will the loneliness at times
be too overwhelming? Will the kids like
me?
I know that keeping my
feelings inside will not help. It’s something I’ve been working on at home. But
here I find myself struggling with admitting fear and not talking about it. I
don’t like to admit here I am weak. Old
behavior for sure. Luckily, a day just happened which helped to remind me it’s
not “I” or “me.” It is “we.” Always. Thanksgiving was Thursday. For some PCT’s,
their first Thanksgiving away from home. I love Thanksgiving!!! I love being
paid for not working. I love the way the house smells like fall. I love the
turkey, sweet potatoes and especially pumpkin pie with cool whip. What I love
the most is spending the day with people that I love like family. Being with
people I can relax around and know that I’m accepted for just being me. Miss
you Staffords!!! As Thanksgiving
approached here in Azerbaijan, until the day before, the only plans I had were
going to language class for 4 hours. But the day before, we all agreed we
wanted to hang out together. One of the PCT’s was able to get her host family
to agree to host all of us (2 clusters, 9 people plus 2 LCf s) at their house.
People were really innovative. Somehow (and you guys are amazing, I don’t know
how you managed some of the dishes) we had chicken, mac and cheese, stuffing,
green beans, homemade rolls, and pumpkin pie from scratch for dessert. Plus,
Iain made the most amazing cranberry sauce without the cranberries. He
substituted pomegranates (no cranberries here, but plenty of pomegranates)
Genius!! Kevin made the pumpkin pies, cooking the pumpkins and doing
everything. They were so good! But, I have to say that my biggest laugh on
Thanksgiving came from Kevin’s whipped cream. He made the whipped cream at
home, put it in the zip lock bag. And then during the 30 minute walk to
Emilie’s, the whipped cream turned back into liquid. When it came time for
dessert, he tried to rewhip it, and it ended up being a cottage cheese/ custard
consistency… which still tasted like whipped cream. It was a good laugh. And
the pumpkin pie rocked!!! We sat around after playing games and watching
friends on a computer. During dinner, we all went around and gave thanks for
something. Sitting at this table giving thanks reminded me of how blessed I am.
These people and I have a life long bond that happens in Peace Corps. Plus, I
was reminded that even though I live a half a world away, I am still connected
to a wonderful community in Folsom. And
most importantly I was reminded that He will never leave me alone.
So no need to pull
away. I will continue to tame my ego and remind myself that I can achieve
nothing of any long lasting value alone. I will reach out and serve others. I
will trust others with who I am and what I am afraid of. And I will never be
alone.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
These pictures are of
our Thanksgiving together in Emily’s house and of the community project we did
the following day. We collected tiles that were littering the streets and
brought kids in to make a mosaic out of it. The kids loved it and we learned a
lot!!!
Cooking Thanksgiving dinner at Emily's host family's house. Boys in the kitchen, a rare site here!!
Emily's host family
Kevin, Emily and Sarah
Dinner. Kevin made the pies from scratch
Hailey, Jess Renee, Chris, Kevin, Sarah, Ian and Jayhun who is one of our language teachers
Tural came for dessert and games.... another language teacher
Kevins whipped cream which turned into a cottage cheese texture
Kevins board for banana grams... pretty sure some of those shouldnt count!
Project with the kids
.
Made with tiles found in the streets. Better than going to Michaels!!!
Khayel who is in charge of training and Sevinj who is my boss. They both are wonderful!!
