“Liberation of the
human heart… opens us up and leads us to the discovery of our common humanity…
a journey from loneliness to a love that transforms, a love that grows in and
through belonging… The discovery of our common humanity liberates us from self-
centered compulsions and inner hurts... It is the process of truly becoming
human.” Jean Vanier
I’ve been walking
around worried this past week. Yesterday we had a test to see where we are with
our language skills. I’m struggling with learning Azeri. I’m definitely the
slowest one in my cluster. But I’m not surprised. I’m at about the same place I
was learning Sesotho after working on it for a month. In Lesotho, I worked
hard, it was slow going, I had tutoring after I got to my site and I eventually
got it. But for some reason, over this past week, I had forgotten that. Outside
of class, I spent many hours studying. I worried about this assessment. Which
led to worry about other things: What if my language never gets decent enough
for me to communicate with the youth? What if I can’t communicate with my
colleagues? What if I make cultural mistakes and offend people. What if I don’t
connect in my community? What if… what if the kids don’t like me? I went into
that spiral of worries that turned into fears that in the end was all about me.
I had forgotten the reason I had come to Azerbaijan. I had forgotten who I am.
Then yesterday, I as I
was walking home, 2 little boys who are neighbors started walking with me with
greetings of “Salam Merrill, Salam Merrill.” They talked a mile a minute and
would periodically pause to hear me attempt a sentence or two in Azeri, giggle
and correct my pronunciation and/or words I was using and go on. When we
arrived home, there were 5 more kids shouting my name. They had a plastic ball and
we played soccer for about 15 minutes (with them beating me of course) When we
finished (it was getting dark) we all said goodbye and the smallest boy (maybe
about 5) stuck his little hand in mine and dragged me up the stairs to my
apartment. He ran off with a “sagol” (goodbye) and I went inside. I realized
then that no matter what, everything would be ok. I will do the best I can to
learn the language and whatever else PC teaches me. I will go to my site; I
will make mistakes, have failures and successes. I will swallow my pride and
ask PC and my fellow PCV’s for help when needed. I have no idea really what I’m
in for. But in the end, there will be
youth to work with and to love the best I can. That is a common factor around
the world. There are always kids to love. And I have an abundance of love to
give… mistakes and all.
This journey of
“self-centered compulsions and inner hurts” is a common journey for me. I
forget who created me and walks with me. I forget why I am here (in Azerbaijan
or anywhere else). I let my worries and pride take over. I start becoming more
concerned with how I am doing and how others see me and forget all that I
have…and all I have become. I forget the most important thing… and what I want
the most is to love others as I have been loved. It took a little boy’s hand in
mine to help me to remember what’s important. I’d like to believe that I won’t
forget again what’s important. But I know me. I will forget. Maybe in 6 months
or next month or next week. I take comfort knowing that when it happens again,
there will always be another hand in mine reminding me of our common humanity
and ultimately, what’s important.
Ok, a shift in topics.
This Thursday and Friday are holidays. It is Gurban Bayram (the feast of
sacrifice.) Im going to share with you what Peace Corps told us about the
holiday:
“Gurban
Bayram (Festival of Sacrifice) is one of the ancient religious holidays in
Islam, celebrated in honor of the prophet Ibrahim's (Abraham) willingness to
sacrifice his son as a proof of his loyalty to God (Allah). According to
Muslims, the tradition is based on an event where Ibrahim was ordered to
sacrifice one of his two sons. As Ibrahim was about to sacrifice his own son in
obedience to God, God provided a ram to sacrifice instead. The offering of a sacrifice has become an
annual celebration to commemorate the occasion and thank God.
This
is a festival when sacrificial sheep or other animals are slaughtered and the
meat distributed to the poor, in memory of the ram sacrificed by Ibrahim in place
of his son. According to Islamic rules, every Muslim who is wealthy enough to
afford must sacrifice a farm animal for God.
The
festival also marks the end of the Pilgrimage or Hajj to Mecca. The climax of
Hajj is marked by offering a sacrifice, to celebrate the completion of the Hajj
and feed the poor. It is done by Muslims, doesn’t matter whether they went to
Mecca or not. On the festival day, thousands of sheep, goats, and calves will
be slaughtered by Azerbaijanis celebrating Gurban Bayram. The animal should be
at least one year old and healthy, you can see sheep sacrificed in all kinds of
places: the garden, driveway, back yard, streets and even on balconies. The
head of the family is expected to perform the sacrifice but a butcher is
invited to perform the ritual on their behalf. The animal is given water and
salt, its eyes are wrapped with a clean rag, and it is turned to face Mecca.
Verses are recited from the Koran, and then the animal's throat is cut. The
meat from the animal is then shared into at least 7 parts and given to the poor
first, to the neighbors and relatives. The skin of the animal is donated. Another tradition practiced is visiting the
graves of deceased family members. That is mostly done one day prior to the
festival. Therefore, the cemeteries are very crowded on that day. Friends,
neighbors, and relatives visit each other celebrating the festival. Gurban
Bayram is the most important religious festival of the year, it means recurring
happiness or festivity, a day of peace and thanksgiving, a day of forgiveness
and moral victory, a day of good harvest and remarkable achievements, and a day
of festive remembrance. The general saying in Gurban Bayram when someone is
given meat is “ALLAH
qəbul eləsin.” (May God accept it) (I wonder if I’ll see a sacrifice of an
animal?)
My language teacher
says that this is a pretty big holiday and while some don’t participate in it,
many do. (We only have half days for school. No technical training but still we
have language) She reminded us that Azerbaijan has only been free of the Soviet
Union for 20 years. During Soviet rule no religion of any kind was allowed. So
Azerbaijan is happy to finally have the freedom to celebrate and practice Islam
again. (This goes for the Orthodox and Jewish communities here as well) To all
of my Azerbaijan friends, Happy Gurban Bayram. May God accept it!
The next post I do I
think I will do about food. Let me know if you have any questions. I miss you
all!!
